Wildflower Seed in the Sand and Wind

My eyes-Help them to Look as well as to See

Name:
Location: The Triangle, North Carolina, United States

I try to keep an open heart & open mind.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Puppy Rearing

Our family is about to embark on a small adventure by getting a puppy. Believe it or not the range of emotions that this impending change to our current family structure has evoked is very similar to pregnancy. I'm excited, yet extremely apprehensive of this new responsibility. Of course I have had dogs before while growing up, but not one that I was solely responsible for. I'm beginning to think I'm crazy, no wait, I've always thought that. Nonetheless, it's a big step and in preparation I have been doing the studious thing by reading like crazy. When I was pregnant I got all the important books and resources-What to Expect When You're Expecting, The Pregnancy Journal, a subscription to Parents magazine-to ensure that I wouldn't mess up terribly as a parent.

So, I've read two books on puppy training and have concluded though this limited research that puppy rearing is like child rearing-everyone has their own opinion and there is no "right" or "wrong" way of doing this.

For example, on the topic of doggie digging, the two books have differing opinions on how to handle this issue. One book says to give your doggie a part of the yard that it is acceptable to dig and to put doggie poop in the holes that you don't want him to dig in. The rationale is that dogs don't like excrement so they would avoid it. It also suggested putting doggie treats smeared with cheese in the holes in the area you allow the dog to dig in and he should dig there instead of in the poop filled holes. Contrastly, another book says to NEVER put doggie poop in holes, because dogs may eat their own poop which must be some hazard to doggie's health.

Other important tidbits I've learned:

-Never leave a puppy behind a closed door in an effort to control his surroundings. They are social animals and will bark, whine, and/or dig. They may even develop claustraphobia. So now instead of just worrying about the maladjustments I may be putting by child through I now will have to worry about what psychological damage I might be doing to my dog.

-Crating a puppy is a humane and perfectly acceptable practice endorsed by behaviorist, trainers and veterinarians. It is not synonomous with caging. You should make the crate like a den. Dogs are den animals and will sometimes go in their crate on their own if they want some alone time. Never use the crate as a punishment-that would be caging. I know I will still feel guilty though.

-Train the dog to understand that you're the leader of the pack. Again, the animal psychology here claims that dogs will respect their place in the pack, so you must train them to accept their submissive role. Children should be viewed by the dog as leaders too, not littermates. Now I'm wrestling with what kind of collar and leash we should get for training. There are choke collars and pinch collars which seem barbaric to me. However, one book highly recommends the use of the choke collar stating that the sound of the chains sliding along with the pressure on the neck will help the dog associate those stimuli with a behavior you want them to engage in. However, a co-worker who is well versed on doggie training doesn't believe in this practice. She says a regular double loop leash and collar work fine for correction. I remember my studies on classical conditioning, you know the Pavlov stuff where the sound of the bell caused the dog salivation demonstrating the sound/behavior association so this makes sense. Just like some parents still practice corporal punishment and other use time outs and still others use no discernible discipline technique, theories on puppy rearing hold conflicting philosophies too.

-Don't let your puppy sleep with you on your bed. Again the pack theory is that he will think he is your equal. Instead, you have to make them earn that place through careful and patient training.

-UGH! Housebreaking-I have a feeling this is going to be much harder that potty training my daughter because I was incredibly lucky with that task.

So, I pick up our little darling tomorrow afternoon at the county animal shelter. Fortunately, no lies were told on the application for this adoption and they still are going to adopt to us. What the hell are the thinking?

For that matter, what the hell was I thinking?

Friday, February 17, 2006

Throwing Stones

With motherhood, I always knew there would be days like this. Days where your sweet little angel of a cherub will do something that shocks and disappoints you. You usually find out because a note from the the teacher informing you of the transgression that your innocent little baby has committed appears in the backpack.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. D
Stella with another boy in her class were throwing rocks at passing cars and intentionally trying to hit them. She knows that this behavior is completely unacceptable so could you please talk to her about it.
Signed,
Mrs. Almost Retired Teacher

I'm a firm believer that your kid is a reflection of your values and beliefs. You try to teach them the things that your family finds important and hopefully you model that behavior for them. Two of the things I value the most is kindness and understanding. I think so much more could be accomplished in this world if we had a little more of both of those things.

Alas!

Anyway, this is the primary reason I was upset by this occurrence. If I teach my kid anything I hope that is to be respectful of others. So, when I discovered what she had done, I approached it in this manner. First, I calmly asked my daughter what was going on in her mind when she picked up the rock and threw it towards a car. She couldn't quite answer that question. I then asked her what were the negative consequences that could have happened if she had hit a car. She answered that she could cause an accident, or damage property, or hurt someone. She got it! Nonetheless, she still engaged in this behavior. Has my sweet little girl turned into a monster?

So, then her father asked her who got the idea first to throw rocks-her or the other boy mentioned in the note home from the teacher? She's a smart one and she might have answered the question the way she thought we would want her to. She admited that it wasn't her idea, it was the boy's idea. WRONG ANSWER! Her Dad was not too pleased with that answer. The reason being is that if that indeed was true, then she followed the inappropriate actions of another person and did not think independently. (I didn't think I would be dealing with peer pressure this early.) So, we explained that sometimes kids will try to lead her down the wrong path and if she follows them when she knows it's wrong then she suffers the consequences. I guess her Dad would have been happier had it been her idea to throw the rocks. She would be a leader then! It was actually hard for her Dad to not chuckle about this, because he recalls a distant time when he used to do these sorts of things. You see it's payback, baby!

We wrapped up the discussion (ahem, lecture) by letting her know that she made a mistake and it was okay. People make mistakes. The important thing we wanted to stress was that when you make a mistake you admit it and you learn from it. And that we still loved her unconditionally.

After the initial shock of this event wore off, we discussed it again after school the next day. I wanted to really know how the events unfolded. She gave more information this time. I asked her who threw the rock first and this is how she explained it:

"Dustin and I were on the playground with rocks. We were trying to see if we could get the rocks to bounce when we threw them on the ground. Then a car drove by and I looked at Dustin and I think I knew what he was thinking. So first he threw a rock and then I did."

Fortunately there was no property damage nor bodily injury sustained from this incident. But it makes me worried on so many levels:
-My child may be a follower, and not a leader
-My child knew it was wrong to throw rocks at cars but still engaged in the behavior anyway
-My child thinks she can read the minds of her classmates just by looking at them

Monday, February 13, 2006

Romance, No Pants Dance

In the spirit of Valentine's day, I've been thinking about musicians, singers, and/or performers that embody romance and/or good old fashioned lust. You know the ones that make you melt with the sound of their voice or who put you in a frisky mood with a sultry beat or an inspiring melody.

Now, single people need not feel left out at Valentine's Day because the feelings that are evoked from these artists don't necessarily require an object of affection. You can enjoy them whether you have a sweetie or not. And for those of you who are not single, you need not worry about diamonds, or candy, or flowers to get your significant other in the mood. Just pop in the CD or program your Ipod with your delightfully romantic selections this year.

In fact this year, due to a severe budget shortfall I advised my husband to refrain from buying me a Valentine's gift this year because things would be tight until I get paid on the day after Valentine's Day. His answer was: "I'm way ahead of you on that." Glad to hear, because it would be real hard to surpass gifts from past Valentine's Day like the Chocolate Around the World extravaganza or year he wrote a poem for me. Anyway, music won't cost me a thing thanks to an extensive collection, therefore here's is a sampling of those that are guaranteed to get me in the mood:

-John Cowan-this man can melt me with the sound of his beautiful tenor voice. I highly suggest his version of "When a Man Loves a Woman" (Michael Bolton eat your heart out-Johnny C. is the King of Blue Eyed Soul) another favorite selection is "I Want You To" which he describes as Barry White meets bluegrass or Sexual Chocolate.

-Al Green-Oh Yeah! "Let's Stay Together" is very sexy, but "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?" although more of break-up song than a romantic song never fails to make me weak in the knees.

-Van "the Man" Morrison-One of the most romantic songwriters out there who manages to do so without sounding trite or cheesy. Since he puts out an album just about every year it's hard to narrow it down completely. My personal faves-"Tupelo Honey"," Hungry for Your Love", "In the Garden", "In the Afternoon", "In an Orangefield", "It's All in the Game." I could go on an on, but bottom line is that this man comes up with the most romantic lyrics and can deliver them in a way that makes your heart jump.

-Steve Kimock-Ok the reason for this selection is that he makes perfect fuck music. Steve is a guitarist and his solo material is mostly instrumental music. Just very ambient stuff played with both heartfelt soul and impeccable technique.

-The Righteous Brothers "Unchained Melody". I liked it before Ghost and it still makes me swoon!


These are just a few I could think of off the top of my head. I'm willing to take any suggestions that might help me get my groove on this Valentine's Day.

My husband is certain to thank you from the bottom of his heart.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Tooth and Justice

Do you remember the Tooth Fairy? What did she leave you under the pillow?

Tooth Fairy visits seemed so seamless to my parents. But, let me tell you that although it seems like an easy task, carrying out the Tooth Fairy duties and responsibilites can be extremely problematic for parents. Like the time that Dad Tooth Fairy and Mom Tooth Fairy encountered miscommunication and as a result both Tooth Fairies visited and unexpectedly left two one dollar bills. I also once read a hilarious anecdote on the blog Tales from My Tiny Kingdom regarding the challenges of Tooth Fairiness. (I apologize for my ineptitude in posting the proper link, I'm still learning this thing). Anyway, my daughter still believes in the Tooth Fairy. And fortunately, that belief has not been shaken during the recent events of this week.

My daughter lost one of her teeth on the playground at school on Tuesday. The tooth has actually been loose for quite some time, but stubbornly wouldn't break free. Evidently, another kid elbowed my daughter in the mouth accidently resulting in the loss of the tooth. Now, before I go on she was not injured by said elbow, however the problem was that she could not find the tooth on the playground. She came home explaining the situation to her father and me. Usually I would have expected high drama as my daughter is prone to succumb to when faced with life stresses. But this time she had it all figured out. She was going to leave a note for the Tooth Fairy. It read like this:

hey! toothfariy
I lost my
tooth but I
can't find It
so can you
give me money
anyway because
It's not fair
that oter kid
get money I don't

Leave it to my daugher to negotiate in this manner with the Tooth Fairy.

The plot thickens, because the "Tooth Fairy" forgot to visit on Tuesday night. My daughter was slightly upset the next morning when her Tooth Fairy note was still tucked under the pillow with, most importantly, no money left in exchange for the lost tooth. Thinking quick on my feet, I explained that perhaps, because the actual tooth wasn't under the pillow, the Tooth Fairy got confused and didn't come. I told her that maybe I could have a talk with the Tooth Fairy to make sure that she knew the circumstances and maybe she would visit the next night. She was amazed that I could actually talk to the Tooth Fairy. Yeah, I do have some connections. So I assured her I would make sure that the Tooth Fairy came the next night.

It gets better because, well, the Tooth Fairy forgot again-I know, I know there is no excuse for literally falling asleep on the job. Fortunately though my daughter forgot too-surprisingly. This kid has the best memory. She can remember all sorts of details and tells my Mom how to get around town while driving because she remembers the way. She aces her spelling tests all the time thanks to that photographic memory. Well, it wasn't until we were driving home from the dentist yesterday that I remembered that the Tooth Fairy once again dropped the ball. This is also complicated by the fact that my daughter had to have a tooth pulled that had absessed. Her teeth are just prone to cavities, because I know all those Laffy Taffy's and Chewy Sweetarts have nothing to do with that. The dentist gave her the tooth in a small orange plastic treasure chest to take home for the Tooth Fairy. Would she make an appearance this time?

So on the way home I call my husband and in parent code talk I advise him to fulfill the Tooth Fairy duties. The conversation went something like this because someone was in the backseat and has very big ears:

Me: You know what we were talking about yesterday?
Husband: Huh?
Me: You know....pillow
Husband: Huh?
Me: You know, the thing we forgot. Dollar?

Fortunately my husband's quick wit finally kicked in and he was on the job in no time flash planting the dollar bill in place of the Tooth Fairy note. So, when we got home my daughter finally remembered to look and was pleasantly surprised with the dollar bill. Also she was quite happy with the prospect that she would be visited by the Tooth Fairy again-twice in the same week! Cha-ching!

It wouldn't go so smoothly, though. And actually I have a bone to pick with a particular parent out there. I think it's absolutely necessary that parents get on the same page with what the Tooth Fairy leaves under the pillow so as not to blow the Tooth Fairy's cover. There should be an official parental agreement that states the Tooth Fairy will only leave money and not obscure gifts under the pillow. The reason being is that my daughter, knowing of the success of previously corresponding with the Tooth Fairy, leaves the Tooth Fairy another note along with her treasure chest and tooth:

toothfariy do you
now how you gave
Libby that barbie
wacth well plese
can you give me
one instead
of money.
Plese!

And then she drew a cute picture of the Tooth Fairy with wings and a dress and two Princess Leia buns on the side of her head.

I tried to prepare her that maybe the Tooth Fairy wouldn't be able to leave that, but we could wait and see. Damn! I can't run out at 9:00 pm and get a Barbie watch just like the one Libby got. Needless to say this morning there was slight disappointment with the dollar bill left under the pillow. At least she made an appearance last night. Luckily, though, my daughter didn't let that get her down. She was upbeat and cheerful and surmised that maybe the Tooth Fairy didn't understand her note because she probably speaks Tooth language. She's such a little Reasoner.

I told her that it's possible the Tooth Fairy understood her note, but..... Think quick! I told her that it could be that the Tooth Fairy for our family leaves money and not watches. In fact when I was growing up I always got money from the Tooth Fairy. I used to get $1 for my teeth, but my friend down the street only got a quarter. So that goes to show you that the Tooth Fairy leaves kids gifts based on their family situation. It's never too early for a lesson in economics and socioeconomic class structures. I was pulling it out of thin air, I admit, but it seemed to work.

So, as far as I know the Tooth Fairy's cover is safe in our household. Her existence is still intact. Until the next time, perhaps.

I just need to know how many more teeth does she have left to lose and how long does the Tooth Fairy have to hold it together?

Monday, February 06, 2006

Steelers Your Face

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers for their Super Bowl XL victory!

I must first say that no, I'm not one of those "new" fans out there who latch themselves onto the year's best team. Afterall, that's what the Yankees are for. Not that sporting team fan-dom follows any logical rulebook or anything. It just irks me when someone who has absolutely no affiliation whatsoever to a sports team suddenly becomes their number one fan-conicidentally during the same year that they win the FILL IN THE BLANK championship game. Now you're excused if you latch yourself onto a particular sporting team for some unknown reason and continue to be the team's fan through both the winning and losing seasons. That would be my husband. He loves Philadelphia teams-the Phillies and Eagles mostly. He is not from Philadelphia, nor are any of his family members. Maybe he knew one day he would grow up and marry a girl who was born in Philadelphia, and that is why he chose to root for their teams. Nonetheless, he stuck by them through thick and thin. So I will excuse him.

However, he has a friend who I will not excuse so readily. He roots for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Miami Hurricanes, although he has never lived in Florida nor has any relatives in Florida. Frankly, he doesn't seem to have any connection whatsoever to these teams. I'm most certain he would never have rooted for the Bucs during the 1970s and early 1980s when they were the joke of the NFL. But now that they have actually become more competitive in recent years, he's their number one fan. And rooting for the Hurricanes just because they won (cough-stole) all those championships, is inexcusable. My husband and myself, being avid Florida State Seminoles fans, can always expect a call from this person when Miami beats us- yet again. I might be able to stomach it if he actually attended the University of Miami or had some connection to the university that would warrant his gloating when we lose. Sure, it's easy to pick any winning team and say that you're a fan, but rubbing it into the loyal fans of opposing teams who have chosen their sports teams for valid and justifiable reasons and continue to support them even when they have not so stellar seasons is totally inappropriate.

That being said, I have rooted for the Steelers since I was a kid. My Dad was born and raised outside of Pittsburgh, so we grew up on Steelers. Chuck Knoll, Terry Bradshaw, Lynn Swann...they were household names in the late 1970s. I will never forget watching the Steelers and Cowboys battle in those now infamous Super Bowls. We had terrible towels flown in from relatives in Pittsburgh. I had the championship T-Shirt. I remember quite vividly the basement where we watched the game in 1979. I remember my Dad's excitement when HIS team won. I admit that being a 10 year old, I knew very little about the mechanics of the game at that time. But watching the Steelers and watching my Dad watch the Steelers is was what made me want to learn all about first downs and touch downs. It was rare back then for girls to be so into football, but fortunately my Dad instilled in my sister and me and appreciate for the game. I could also mention that I work with the sister-in-law of one of the starting players who shall remain nameless (although he is very valuable), which further perpetuates my interest for the Steelers.

I recall a song by the Charlie Daniels Band that came out in the 80s-and although I wholeheartedly can't agree with the message of the song-it kind of makes me smile. It's just that these patriotic type songs seem a little boastful. "In America" is the song and was written in response to the Cold War or the Iranian hostage crisis most likely. The message is that you don't mess around with the USA because we "will damn sure fool you." The line I'm referring to is "You just go and lay your hand on a Pittsburgh Steeler fan and I think you're gonna finally understand." I guess that always struck me because that line seemed to epitomize Pittsburgh toughness. And when I think about the history of Pittsburgh and my family history that is rooted there, I want to embody some of that toughness too.

However, today I will just be satisfied with the Steelers victory. And I imagine that my Dad is smiling down and waving that terrible towel just like he did that January day in a basement in Connecticut when the whole world was in our hands and nothing could bring us down.

Friday, February 03, 2006

If I Knew This Would be in the Job Description....

Oh, glorious motherhood!

Lately I have been reading some blogs of those brave mothers out there who approach motherhood with a sometimes brutal honesty, but most importantly with such a fine sense of humor. I have to say that I MAY shoot daggers in your eyes if you try to tell me that motherhood is the most natural and beautiful experience. Right before I gave birth, my cousin's wife who had just had a baby several months before gave me this crock of bullshit. Imagine my utter feelings of failure and inadequacy when I brought my baby home from the hospital and thought to myself "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST GET MYSELF INTO??" Then, I felt guilty for feeling this way. I couldn't understand why this Mom was able to feel so wonderful and peaceful with motherhood, and here I was wondering if I had made a terrible mistake.

Fortunately, I came to realize that I was not alone in these thoughts of doubts. There are many new moms out there who have these doubts too. And some moms need extra special help to overcome postpartum depression (Yeah, I said it Mr. Cruisey Crazy) I also have come to accept that you don't have to be SUPERMOM to be a good mother. Hell, being a good mother in my opinion is a continual learning process. Just when you think you got it all figured out, your kid throws you a wicked curve ball and you have to tackle another hurdle towards the finish line of the Perfect Parent race. (my apologies for the mixed metaphors-baseball, football, track & field-I got the sporting metaphors covered). Sometimes I yell and lose my temper. Sometimes I'm not always available to my kid's every whim and desire. Sometimes I feed her ice cream for breakfast (it is part of the dairy group afterall). But underneath it all I ALWAYS love my kid-unconditionally.

This past week presented a very minor medical issue for my daughter, if you can really call it that. Basically, she was constipated and as a result kept holding it in until it became very uncomfortable and slightly painful. I must admit, I feel slightly embarrassed to be posting about constipation, but other brave bloggers out there have explored this subject at great length. Therefore I feel, just like the admission that motherhood is not always a bed of roses, that I have blogger permission to discuss such a subject without fear of embarrassment or shame. First, I tried a natural method-mineral oil. I had great hopes that once the mineral oil kicked it I would be up in the middle of the night to comfort my pooping daughter. But it still did not happen.

I finally called the doctor to get some medical advice and was advised to get Children's Fleet. For those of you who are regular and don't have to worry about constipation, this is an old fashioned enema. I stressed out the whole drive from the drugstore to home because I had never even used a rectal thermometer on my daughter, much less an enema. I carefully read and followed the directions on the box, showing the diagrams of the child on their knees with his ass sticking up in the air to my daughter. I explained what was going to happen and that is wasn't going to hurt really, but might feel a little weird and uncomfortable, but trust me once it is all over she would feel much better. I will not go any further into step by step details, but needless to say the process was a flying success-figuratively, not literally. We finally have POOP! I never thought that I would feel relief and rejoice at such a normal everyday bodily function.

If I only knew that giving an enema would be in the job description for motherhood......

I would still do it all over again, but after this I think I need a raise or at least some vacation time.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

NUMB3RS

One of my coworkers just asked me this question.

She diligently wrote out: .4 mg
And asked "What does this mean?"

I responded: "Four-tenths of a milligram."

She looks perplexed.

I try again: "Let's see, If you have a milligram and break it into 10 pieces, it would be 4 of those pieces. Four-tenths."

She then writes down this: 400 mg

And proceeds to ask: "Which is bigger? 400mg or .4 mg?

Ok, I didn't laugh at her but politely answered her question that 400 mg is much more than four-tenths of milligram. Like 1000 times more.

I think she's on the Weight Watchers diet so she's counting her points and her calories because last week she ask me to explain the calories on the nutrition section of the bag of chips she was eating. The conversation went something like this:

Coworker: "What does this mean? (pointing to the bag of chips nutrition label)

Me: It means that there are 180 calories in one serving of chips.

Coworker: What does one serving mean?

So I explain to her that the number of servings is listed on the package too and if you mulitply the number of servings by the number of calories you would then know how many calories you would be eating- IF you ate the whole bag of chips.

She looks a little confused, but then slowly the lightbulb buzzes above her head.

Coworker: You mean there are that many calories in this little bag of chips?!?

Who knew chips were fattening?

I'm so glad my mathematical abilities are still being challenged. All those years I always sat behind Mike Sullivan in math class have finally paid off. We were always seated alphabetically and my last name being SW.............. always put me behind him in class. Thank god he was very smart and very kind and very patient, albeit kind of nerdy.

I must admit, I feel very sad and embarrassed about the incident in 7th grade when Philip Smith told Mike that I liked him and asked him if he would "go" with me. Poor, poor Mike's response was "Sure." I never was very good at letting guys down easy, so I usually did the most logical thing and hid from them. Like when Chris Ceclione asked me to go with him at the basketball gym and I hid in the girls locker room the whole day just to avoid saying: "No, I will not go with you-you're much too short for me." I have HIGH standards afterall. I eventually let Mike down and explained that it was all just some stupid joke and could we just be friends. Despite this, he never did hold it against me because in 11th grade Analytical Geometry he offered all of his help to get me through that class.

Maybe my coworker didn't have a math geek (aside-I lovingly use that term) to help her in high school math, so she is forever doomed to be confused by milligram, calorie, and serving size measurements.

Let it be known to all the math geeks out there, there probably is some girl out there who truly appreciates you. And even though she would never go with you back then, she just might consider it now- especially if your finances have mathematically increased AND if she weren't already married.