A Practical Mother Always Dashes Her Children's Hopes and Dreams

The other night my daughter was enjoying her newest activity, which reminds me she is getting real close to that annoying little thing called puberty. She has discovered our XM stations on the satellite television and tunes in to the Radio Disney channel. Now, you'd think that this station would be harmless enough and would play songs like "When you Wish Upon A Star", or "Whistle While You Work", or "Supercallifragilistic", or the more modern "Be Our Guest," or some other candy coated Disney magical musical tune. But, no. Instead they play your normal candy coated Pop Rock. You know, Hannah Montana, Jessie McCartney, Ali & AJ, Kelly Clarkson and many others. I'm embarrassed to admit that I even can type those names, but hell I liked Andy Gibb and Shaun Cassidy at her age. I ,of all people, should understand.

Anyway, my daughter's new found taste is music is not the point of this post. For isn't it some unspoken rule that you have to rebel against the music your parents listen to? Fortunately for me my Dad had some taste in music-my appreciation of The Beatles and The Doors came from him. But I couldn't stand the Do Wop he also listened to-at the time. So maybe there is still hope my daugther will eventually come to love the Grateful Dead someday. Or she will be sitting on some therapist's couch 20 years from now complaining that she was subjected to the unnecessary torture of one too many Help on the Way>Slipknot>Franklin's Towers.

I digress again....Back to Radio Disney.

Like a good promotional and marketing machines, Disney Radio has a call in contest every night. My daughter had tried to copy down the toll free number that she was supposed to call so she could be the 16th caller and win a chance to get tickets to a Hannah Montana concert (by the way you thought you had enough of Billy Ray Cyrus & his achey breaky crap, get ready for his daughter starring as Hannah Montana, mild mannered unpopular school girl by day, and rocking hot pop star by night).

My daughter had become quite frustrated and came to me to see if I could call the Operator to get the number to Radio Disney. I told her that it was unlikely they could look up that listing. Then I made my fatal mistake of saying in a practical way, "Don't worry anyway, you would have probably just gotten a busy signal."

I was not prepared for the barrage of tears and insults that would follow in an angry attempt to devalue my motherly abilities, because I had obviously not realized how the order of the universe depended on participating in this call in contest. I was told, scratch that, I was screamed at: "Thanks Mom! I hope you're happy now that you have dashed my hopes and dreams!!!!!" (I need more exclamation points but I must not be frivoulous you never know when you may need more). This was accompanied by tears and the angry running up the stairs brilliantly punctuated by a door slam. Misty Water Color Memories....I remember those days well, when the only way to express my extreme frustration with my Mom was with a dramatic and well timed door slam.

Who knew that one day I would be known as the Hopes and Dreams Dashing Mom?

When Home Schooling is Looking Like a Good Idea

Last night my daughter and I were playing a couple of hands of the card game UNO. We had some really loud thunderstorms move through last evening and the power flickered on and off a couple of times and the satellite service was disrupted, so we turned off the TV (Aghast!) and decided to actually interact and play a game together.

My daughter wanted to be the scorekeeper, which I fully supported. What better way for children to hone their math skills than when engaged in an activity they enjoy and practicing math in a practical, real world kind of way. Once the scores got larger she had to wrack her brain to remember how to add the larger numbers. Damn you summer break! She couldn't remember why you had to carry the one and why sometimes you had to carry the one and other times you did not.

So, I took a few moments to give her some addition examples to illustrate the differences. I basically broke it down by explaining that when you add the last digits together and they equal to a number of 10 or greater you have to carry the one which actually represents 10. So, we worked a few problems together that required carrying the one and some that did not so she could see the difference. I think I actually saw the light bulb shine over her head when she finally understood the concept.

Mind you, she has learned this type of addition in school, but they were teaching them some screwy way of adding. For example, if you had: 154 + 59, they would have the kids add the 4 and the 9 and write that number down. Then they would add the 5 and 5 together and write that number below the first number. Then they would write the 100 down under that and then add those three numbers together. It just seemed like taking the long way to arrive at an answer. I guess they wanted the kids to get the concept of hundreds, tens and ones and how they were related, but it seemed kind of stupid to me.

After my little math lesson last night, my daughter turned to me and said: "Mommy, you're such a good teacher. It took my teachers 3 days to teach us that and it only took you three minutes to teach me." My first feeling was pride. My daughter, albeit somewhat incredulous to my teaching abilities, had given me a compliment. Then I was overcome with a feeling of dread, because I thought about all the other things she has been taught in school that I could do a much better job of teaching her.

Like using a fake ID or opening beer bottles without a bottle opener or throwing parties when her parents aren't home. You know, the stuff I'm really good at.

A Subscription to Jesus

One of the MANY fundraisers my daughter's elementary school held this past year was selling magazine subscriptions. Because we're supportive parents who really need more reading material and because my daughter really wanted to win one of the special prizes that each child was promised if they sold so many subscriptions or if they sent in at least 7 addresses of poor suckers, ahem, family members and friend, that would be hounded to buy even more subscriptions. I'm sorry family members! I swear I'm not that good at sales.

Well, we decided to purchase two subscriptions for this fundraiser. The first one was Rolling Stone, which I have read off an on over the years. I tend to shy away from such mainstream publications because to me they seem to dictate what is "cool" or "hip" or "in style" with little regard for true talent and artistic impact. I have to say that I have appreciated the magazine so far, but mostly for the political articles and maybe for the hunky picture of Johnny Depp in the most recent issue. I still think that the music biz is rather cliquish and press is not always given to the most deserving. And most of the time the least deserving seem to get all the buzz.

Anyway....

The other subscription we purchased was for my daughter. She is quite upset these days since she does not get any mail. To see the disappointed little face coming back from the mail box after realizing none of the bills, credit card offers, mortgage refinancing offer, and other crap they send us in the mail is for her. Be thankful, I say. Well, getting the magazine was one way that she figured she would get mail. There were several different children's magazines to choose from. I read each of the descriptions and decided upon Clubhouse. The magazine promised stories, games, and other fun stuff that I thought she would enjoy. Why, oh why, didn't I just pick the tried and true Ranger Rick magazine?

The first issue came and I thought nothing of it, and frankly didn't even pick the magazine up to peruse the suitability of contents. Then the second issue came and as it was sitting on the coffee table I noticed on the back cover a Pen Pal program the magazine was offering. You could sign up for this by sending self addressed stamped envelopes and you would be matched up with a cool pen pal. I kept reading the descripton and got to the part where the Pen Pal Program warned that it could not match you up with other kids with similar interests to yours. For example if you really like ponies, you couldn't pick a pen pal that really like ponies too. However, they did make mention that you can be sure of one thing about your Pen Pal. That Pen Pal would love Jesus.

Now, I'm not anti-religion or anti-Jesus by any means. I was raised as a Christian and I appreciate Christianity's place in the moral lives of most Americans. But I can't say that I am a true believer in any organized religion at this point in my life-and not for lack of trying. But for some reason I was offended by this magazine, almost obsessively. I decided to pick it up and noticed all the stories and games and fun were religious in nature. The C-Force comic strip that pitted intergalactic Christian fighters against an evil coalition. The story on futbol. The article on sea turtles. They were all centered on Jesus and bible verses. My husband had to ask me if I was sure the subscription wasn't for me because I kept picking it up all weekend long.

I had to look back at the description of the magazine because I would never have willingly ordered a subscription to a Jesus themed magazine. Again, not because I'm opposed to Jesus or the true message of his teachings. It's just that the magazine seemed rather heavy handed in its message. I just question those who use Bible verses, out of context, to further their own agenda for whatever purpose-even if benign in nature. I also disagree with feeling superior or excluding others because they may have different beliefs.

Maybe this really touched a nerve with me because religious upbringing is something my husband and I have struggled with as parents. We did not have our daughter christened, and I find it hard to believe that her soul will not have a place in Heaven because she has not been baptized-if there is such a place, because the jury is still out on that one for me as much as I truly want to believe in it. We don't regularly attend a church because again, organized religion is not for us. But I do teach my daughter Christian values-Do unto others, you know, the Golden Rule really is the basis for most moral codes. I also teach my daughter spirituality because I want her to know there is more to life than that which we can touch and see, and there are some things we just have to have faith in. I also think that it's important to appreciate the nature that surrounds us and to know that it is our job to take care of it as a Creator would want-if there is such an entity.

I guess we will wait out the subscription because it's not technically offensive. It's just that with any Clubhouse, there must be an exclusivity to it. Usually someone is not allowed in the club for whatever reason the club members choose to exclude. And sure we want to surround ourselves with people who are most like us, but I have found that you can learn a lot from those who are not at all like us. And that to me is not such a bad thing.

So, if the Clubhouse sign reads: " No heathens allowed," then we'll just have to look for another Clubhouse that will have us as members.