Debunking the Santa Myth (Or How My Parents Lied to Me)

The jig is up. We're busted, man. The cat's out of the bag. That's all folks! We have been called out for the fraud that we are. No, we haven't been outed or turned into the police. Instead, we have officially debunked the Santa myth in my house. First off to all those who are annoyed by early Christmas decorations, music, and references (and rightly so), I apologize that I am encroaching on the Christmas topic before Thanksgiving has been put to bed in all it's turkey goodness. But kids are already talking about Christmas, what they want -which gets more expensive and hard to come by each year (btw, has anyone found a Wii???)- and by extenstion how those wonderful Christmas gifts get to be under the tree on Christmas morn.

I have known parents, okay only one and I really couldn't stand this girl for a variety of other reasons, who have decided that they aren't going to "lie" to their children by telling them there is a Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or Freedom and Democracy in this fair land. Oh yeah and no Barbie dolls, they're just another lie. No one can have boobs that big and perky. But for me, I have such fond memories of Christmas and how believing in Santa inspired a feeling of hope, magic and wonder as a child. Let's not forget that Baby Jesus is also an important component of this celebration. So there was no question that when I had children, the Santa tradition would be carried out until inquiring minds began to poke holes in the theory and looming doubts unfolded.

I think I officially found out about Santa not really existing when I was about 10 or so. I think I probably knew before that, but just kept the lie going for the benefit of my younger siblings and so as not to disappoint my parents who obviously derived great joy from shopping all over kindgom come for the pricey items we wanted. But the lie was truly exposed in my house the year we got 10 speed bikes. My sister and I had put them on our Dear Santa list because we just had to have the curly handlebars and hand brakes. I happened to answer the phone a week or so about Christmas and the caller said he was calling from Sears. When I told my mom that Sears was on the phone, she let it slip that "Oh, it must be about the bikes." Yikes! She had worked hard all these years to protect the myth only to have it debunked in one simple observation. Insert foot here, mom! To tell the truth I wanted to keep believing. It was much more fun that way. But as all children grow up into adults (well theoretically at least), the Santa myth ends and the only way we can keep it going is by subjecting our progeny to the tradition.

So, I figured last year that Santa's days were numbered in my house, but hoped that my daughter would hold onto the idea a little longer. This officially ended this past weekend when my daughter wanted a heart to heart talk. I wasn't sure what it could be about as it is usually about what some boy said or whose not her friend this week. But instead she asked me point blank "Is there really a Santa, or do you buy the gifts for me?"

How do you respond to a nine year old asking this question?

My first reaction was to say "If you believe in Santa, then he is real?" But the pragmatic side of my daughter wasn't buying that for one second. "Come on Mom. Tell me the truth. Is there a Santa or do you buy the gifts?" To which broken record style I countered back "If you believe in Santa, then he is real."

Eventually she begged me to tell the truth and to not lie to her with tears brimming in her eyes. I couldn't help but have Jack Nicholson "you can't handle the truth" moment. But I finally relented because she pleaded with me not to lie and so went on to explain "Well, there really isn't a fat guy in a red suit who comes to everyone's house on Christmas Eve to deliver presents. But the magic and spirit of Santa is very much real and parents help carry it out."

So the nosy side of my daughter asks "Where do you hide the gifts, then?" I told her I wasn't going to spill the beans on that one. I'm rather limited on hiding spaces. Then she said "Well I was beginning to think that he wasn't real. Because how can someone get presents to all the kids all over the world in just one night." Furthermore, the wheels turning in her head, she also stated that she thought the note that Santa left her last year looked like Daddy's handwriting. I told her most definitely Daddy had not written the letter (which technially was not a lie because I wrote it in all caps trying to disguise my handwriting). Then she asked who ate the cookies. I told her I didn't know (which technically was not a lie because I really can't remember).

So after our conversation she looked at me and said "I wasn't ready for the truth!" I opened my arms and held her there for a few moments. I told her that she can keep on believing in Santa because the magic is still there. Her whole world had been turned upside down and this probably meant there wasn't a Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny either.

Now I'm beginning to wonder when I am going to have debunk the stork myth of where babies come from.

Ain't Broken, But Badly Buckled

We have officially entered the coveted Parent Club known as-The Broken Bone Association. We don't hold regular meetings, but our membership relies on the adventurous and not so well thought out intentions of our children whose bones could no longer take the abuse.

My daughter and friends decided on Sunday that it would be a neat idea to play roller coaster with a wagon, a sloped road, two passengers, and one driver. Well, needless to say the driver soon lost control of the runaway wagon and the passengers tumbled out onto the paved street. In the process of saving themselves, my daughter hurt her wrist and scraped up her left side. When she came to the house crying and I asked her what was wrong she started by saying "I know it was stupid idea..." and then relayed all the gory details.

I felt bad that her first feeling was not to run to Mom for comfort but rather to fear Mom's wrath. But after reassurances that Mom was not mad and that everything would be all right, we figured that the wounds sustanined would quickly heal themselves.

I have never been a Mom who ran to the doctor over every little sniffle or cough. I pretty much have trusted my gut to guide the times that we haved called on the doctor. So, I took the wait and see approach until Tuesday when her wrist looked a little swollen and she was gaining any movement in the wrist without having paid. So we spent yesteday morning at Urgent care visiting with the nurse, the xray tech, the nurse practicioner, and finally the very peppy doctor. After xrays and exams it was determined that she had a bone buckle.

Now, I have never heard this term before. What it means is that the bone did fracture, but because thank god kids' bones are pliable and resilient instead of it actually fracturing apart the bone fuses back together and forms a bump (or buckle) on the bone. So treatment has begun with a splint wrapped in ace bandage and a referral visit to the orthopedic for a possible cast. If she gets a cast she gets to pick out a colored one, which I think she is a little bit thrilled with the idea and the attention she is going to draw.

During the visit my daughter worried about how much this was all costing. I told her that kids shouldn't worry about those things and that's why we have insurance. Again, is there something in my parenting that is making my kid worry about such things?

As parents, I hope we all examine our parenting from time to time. I did so and realized that when my kid gets hurt my first reaction shouldn't be anger to the effect of why did you just do the stupid thing you just did to get hurt, especially when I warned you about running on the stairs or trying to ride your bike with no hands (which incidentally I did all the time and I recall vividly the time I thought to myself how I would feel to ride my 10 speed down a culvert ditch with no hands-needless to say that didn't go over too well or should I say I went well over and landed with a splat). I have to remind myself that kids don't do those things just to annoy parents. They do these things because they're kids and they're still learning the things they shouldn't do.

I also wonder how my daughter picks up on our financial concerns. I guess she hears us discuss things because we don't talk about such matters behind closed doors. Maybe we need to re-evaluate that too. I just don't recall as a kid being worried about such things although in hindsight I know my parents struggled from time to time as many families do.

So, the lesson in all of this is do not ride in wagons at full speed down hill or at least have a good insurance policy if you do. Oh, and to try and be a better parent. Which is almost like riding downhill in a wagon. I'm still trying to hold on.

Total Recall

WTF?

It seems like everyday a new toy is being recalled. I kind of haven't been paying strict attention because my 9 year old daughter seems to be past the stage of putting toys in her mouth and most of the toys recalled have seemed to be preschool toys. However, the latest toy recalled is one that grabbed my attention: Aquadots.

My daughter just got this toy as gift at her birthday party and had fun making little Aquadot creation. Now come to find out the little dots that are used to make these creations are extremely dangerous. Evidently two kids who ingested them went into a coma, and the reason is that the apoxy on the dots that helps hold them together when sprayed with water evidently turns into GHP-the date rape drug for those of you not familiar-when metabolized by the human body.

Along with the lead paint problems that have been reported, the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has faced a lot of scrutiny and criticism. According to their website, the CPSC is a government agency that is responsible for ensuring that some 15,000 different consumer products are safe and is charged with protecting the American public from the potential hazards of these products. The acting chairman, Nancy Nord, is a presidential appointee and has been on the hot seat on all the morning news programs. In their defense the CPSC has argued that they have not been given enough resources to adequately test toys. I have heard differing explanations, one is that there is only one toy tester employed by the CPSC, but then they seemed to back pedal a little and now have said that they have a team. However, the problem still remains according to the CPSC that they have not received adequate funding to do the job.

I suppose that this can't at all be related to the fact that we're pouring billions of dollars into a war with no end in sight or justifiable purpose. And I also suppose that the problems we have been having with the many recalled toys is not at all related to the fact that the factories in which these toys are manufactured are in other countries and not subject to regulations designed to protect and ensure quality.

Some have aruged that government regulations are intrusive and interfere with business, and thereby negatively affect the economy. I ,however, believe that regulations are absolutely necessary. Now, if big business had a conscience maybe regulations wouldn't be necessary. But we all know better than that. When left with no oversight, big business is going to do whatever it can to turn a profit-after all that is the mission of for profit businesses, right? But what is the cost of this? I'm not an economist, so maybe I'm just naive, but something's got to give. We outsource to foreign countries to take advantage of cheap labor so that Wal-mart can roll back their prices even further. And I have to admit that I'm not immune to the desire to save a few pennies on products that can be bought with one stop shopping. But I think that I really have to re-evaluate my shopping habits.

The seduction of consumerism is very difficult to avoid in our society. We are bombarded with ads telling us that we need this or that. As our culture becomes more sophisticated, technological, and complex it is worrisome what the long term effects of these changes will be. Are we doomed as scientist James Lovelock contends in the October 17th issue of Rolling Stone? We just might well be. One has to have hope, that future generations will help to change course as we journey through time and space. It doesn't seem that the 2004 voters, who pretty much gave this current administration permission to do the seeminlgy irreparable damage because they are afraid or don't want same sex marriages, are up to the task. Teach your children well, they be are only hope.

As long as they don't swallow Aquadots.

Failed Experiment, Failed Study or Failed Generation?

Everyone is buzzing about Radiohead's on-line experiment where they allowed their fans to decide how much they wanted to pay to download their new release "In Rainbows." I feel the I must first preface that I am not necessarily a "fan" of the band. Nor do I disdain them for that matter. I have heard a few of their songs and what I have heard I do like. So I probably should listen to more. Anyway, I don't know why that piece of information is relevant to this post, but I feel that maybe it establishes some objectivity. Or maybe not.

The most recent press regarding this endeavor reports that according to study by comScore Inc, 62% of the people who downloaded "In Rainbows" decided that they would pay $0 for the download. And it was reported that of the remaining downloads (38%) averaged about $6.00. First, I have to critique this so-called study. The Associate Press reports that the results of this study used data from only a few hundred people of the 2 million computer users worldwide who are part of comScore database, nor was a margin of error reported. I also have to wonder what sort of sampling technique did they undertake to identify the few hundred people in which data was gathered from. As with many research "studies" one has to be very cautious about results that are reported as so often there could be flaws in methodology such as in the sampling, analysis or intrepretation of the data which may lead to erroneous conclusions. I'm not saying that any of these were problems with comScore's study because I have not read a full report as I was not able to find a full copy, although I didn't dig too much. Hmmmm....

Anyway, the point that I really want to get to is that if indeed it is "true" that a majority of the people who downloaded "In Rainbows" chose to pay nothing, what does that say about this generation of music fans? Getting something for nothing in the music world is not a new concept. One can look at such huge events as Woodstock (the 1969 one & only one in my opinion) and the Festival Express train tour across Canada in 1970 and see that some music fans believed that music should be free and are offended that organizers and promoters would actually have the gall to charge them to see their favorite musicians perform. So maybe this is not a new phenomenon.

But I can't help but feeling that the sense of entitlement that many seem to feel regarding music is disappointing. I too have become frustrated with big record companies who are accustomed to getting rich and fat off the music industry that they have hijacked. The rising prices of CDS and the increased use of the internet has led many music fans to find alternatives to finding and enjoying the music that they seek. And with that the lawsuits that have been brought forth upon normal average citizens who may or may not have known what they were getting into when they "illegally" downloaded music as well as the bullying and what I almost see as borderline extortion by ASCAP on small business owners who play music in their businesses may also contribute to music fans disillusionment with the industry. And yes, I do believe that songwriters, musicians, and performers deserve their fair share of the profits as they are the creators and dispensers of the entertainment, and I acknowlege that the record companies do put up the money to allow them to record, produce and market their music, but it's more the tactics that I have a problem with. So I do understand why music fans are fed up.

I was pleased to hear about Radiohead's experiment. It gives one hope that maybe the record company fat cats aren't going to be the ones to greatly profit from the music. Instead it may allow musicians to take more control of their own destinies and not be subjected to the fancies and whims of out of touch record executives who hold so much power. Yeah, they bank roll these bands, but it's called an investment. So they don't do it out the goodness of their heart. And there have been some bands that have shown that you don't need record companies to establish a following. Bands that have allowed their fans to tape their live concerts have been able to garner large and "deadicated" fanbases who remain loyal to their music. So I see Radiohead as taking that concept to a new level and hopefully helping to establish a new model for bands to create and release their music with their own vision.

However, back to the reports that seem to suggest that most music fans when given the choice would rather have something for nothing. This is what is disturbing to me. A recent sidewalk poll I saw on a news channel asked people if they had a choice to pay nothing for a particular thing or service, would they choose that. The clips they showed all seemed to indicate that of course most would choose to pay nothing. Who wouldn't? I myself wouldn't want to pass up a bargain like that. However, if you look beyond your pocketbook or wallet and think about it from a different perpective one has to realize that nothing is for free. I believe that in order to have harmony, one has to have an even exchange for goods and services. If one chooses to get something for free, what is the long term result of that? I would rather people move towards a different way of thinking. Think about like when you might go to a museum that doesn't charge admission, but rather asks for a donation. You pay what you think it's worth, or maybe what you can afford, or maybe what you think is necessary to ensure the longevity and qualilty of the museum you are visiting. If everyone chose to bypass a donation, where does that lead us? Sure you get something for free and you can still buy that Big Mac on the way home, but past that we all are going to suffer in the long run.

So, the bottom line of all of this is that I hope that when one is faced with this choice if there are future "experiments" of this type, that people will really think beyond their personal situation and the way it may benefit them in the short term. Instead think of it as a way of making a contribution to a new way of thinking. One in which we all have truly invested in making this world a better place. Or you can just choose to be a cheap son of a bitch. You make the choice.

(Research) Subject to Criticsm

Dear Research (Non)-Participant:

Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me how stupid and dumb the research survey you were invited to participate in is. Despite that the survey is a valid and reliable scientific measurement instrument, it is regrettable that you interpreted it as such a huge waste of time. And knowing, dear potential participant, how precious your time is, I'm surprised and a little flattered that you even found the time and motivation to share your thoughts with me on the outside of your return envelope.

I assume that your motivation to do so was to express your displeasure with being invited to fill out a survey assessing, ironically I might add, your academic motivation. In addition, because the return envelope is anonymous, you felt protected enough to express your ideas in a such mean-spirited way. We should all be thankful to live in a society where one can tear down others down with no accountability for these actions. Also, I suppose you received some smug satisfaction knowing that a graduate student had to pay for the return postage on your non-response. And further, every postal employee was able to know your feelings regarding my research study as the envelope passed through their hands.

If this type of behavior makes your bitter and small life filled with sunshine and rainbows, then I will try not to take your attempts to deride my scholarly goals personally. However, I must clarify one of your criticisms because I fear you totally missed the mark. Your mocking of the survey on the back of the return envelope implies that you perceived the survey to ask if you feel dumb for going to college. If you had actually intrepreted the survey correctly, you would have noticed that that particular question was never asked. Now, there are some measures of amotivation on the survey, because frankly not everyone is as motivated as people like you. The way that surveys typically work is that you rank how certain statements correspond to your situation, therefore on the amotivation statement you could have responded that it did not correspond to you at all.

In closing, I will address the question you posed to me, since you were interested. No, I don't feel dumb for going to college. I am proud of my accomplishments and hard work, and I have to wonder if that makes you resentful. Sadly, you have left the impression that you are the one who is dumb, despite your protestations. And it's not because you didn't want to participate in my study, and it's not even because I had to pay return postage on your sad attempt to tear my study down and hurt my feelings. But rather, it's because you didn't seize an opportunity to help others learn more about why people go to college from someone who is an authority on the subject-you. If we knew more about adults academic motivation, then maybe we can help to make for successful experiences for others. But that would require generosity and selflessness and obviously those are qualities that you lack. Regardless of your criticisms, I wish you well with your academic goals.

Sincerely,
AmyD

P.S. You suck!

Bullet the Blue Sky

To get reacquainted, I am going to post bullets. Now this is a challenge for me because my natural inclination is to go on an on and be wordy in my writing by using long run-on sentences that mirror my wandering thoughts. This is also why I'm not as comfortable with public speaking. I have to do a lot of it for my job, but most if it is rehearsed so it doesn't stress me out. But, to have to speak off the cuff-not so good at it. I'm one of those people who thinks of the perfect thing to say about a day later. So, writing has always been my comfort zone. The place where I have time to construct, re-organize, edit and revise my thoughts -all in my own sweet time. I can back space/delete when something comes out like... "Hmpt, um, um.. like, you know." And now that I have typed about 784 characters (with spaces) so far, you can see why being consise and to the point is extremely difficult for me. Further evidenced by the fact that I just used about another 135 characters with that last sentence. So let's get down to business. The following list is a brief recap of what's been going on:

• Learned new database system at work. The month of July, did it exist?

• Went on vacation and rented a spectacular cabin in the NC mountains. Hot tub, pool table, fine furnishings, awesome wide-range views, privacy.

• Saw the oldest growth forest on the East Coast at Joyce Kilmer National Forest.

• Communed with goats at husband's aunt's farm. They are rather cute critters.

• Allowed 9 year old daughter to attend first "dance" and now she has been exposed to Soulja Boy. You can shield them only so long.

• Hosted a Hannah Montana karaoke party for 7 nine year olds. Note to self: plan for 2 hour party next time, 3 hours is just too long to entertain a gaggle of pre-teen girls.

•Fought with Oriental Trading company regarding shipping costs for the deluxe Hannah Montana party package that did not arrive in the time frame of postage purchased. First was offered hush money in the form of a gift certificate. Finally successfuly lobbied for a credit and still received the gift certificate. Which I probably won't ever use, unless I get a sudden urge to throw a luau party or need glow sticks. On second thought, I might use it after all.

• Was fussed out by husband for not trying to purchase Hannah Montana concert tickets exactly when they went on sale. I naively figured I would buy them at my own convenience. Who knew the singing sensation would attract ticketbots and that my husband would be devastated about not going?

• Bought tickets to the fall Cure tour only to have the tour postponed until spring. Robert the perfectionist just had to make sure they had a good album to put out. Missed the Morrissey theater tour also, wah!

• Had route to Virginia campground blocked by a Fall parade in Charlotte Courthouse further delaying trip by 45 minutes.

• Had car rammed by a buck in the Virginia mountains, fortunately no major damage occurred.

• Attended a homecoming concert event at an all boys college in Virginia. Got dubbed the "potty line patrol" because I dared to tell a drunk college boy that tried to cut in front of me in the port-a-potty line that I had been waiting long before he walked up to the just vacated port-a-potty. Waiting in line obviously is not something that affluent white college boys know anything about (I know sweeping generalization but I call like I see 'em.)

• Remained sorely disappointed in a certain college football team. "Nuff said.

• Allowed my 9 year old daughter to dress up as Devilicious for Halloween. It is a "cute" costume from the Drama Queens collection that aims to groom the next Britney Spears.

• Totally procrastinated on my thesis. I'm still in data collection phase, but should be analyzing data and writing results if I had hoped to graduate in December. Now new target date for graduation is now April 08. Ugh!

So things have happened as you can see, although they don't seem so exciting and rich in detail when written down in bullets. I guess you had to be there, or maybe they need the benefit of more characters?

Reach Out and Touch Someone

Riiiiiiing!

Blog: Hello?

Me: Hey, Blog whattup? It's me.

Blog: Ohmigod! I haven't heard from you in like... forever.

Me: I know, I know. You know how it is. Busy with work, school, the kid. I know it's no excuse to lose touch for so long, though.

Blog: I know how it is. I've been thinking about you too.

Me: It's just that I had every intention to call you up many times before. But before you know it the day is over and then another day passes. After so much time elapses it just feels weird to call. And then even more time goes by and before you know it, you have totally lost touch.

Blog: That's okay, I understand. I was just hoping you weren't avoiding me, or worse breaking up with me.

Me: Oh, no! Not at all. I adore you.

Blog: Great! Because I am nothing without you. I exist only for you. I need you to feel alive. Now, doesn't that make you feel special?

Me: You do make me feel oh so special, but now you're sounding a little obsessive. You're not going to start stalking me, are you?

Blog: Um, no. Just check in on me every once in a while. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry. Is that what drove you away in the first place?

Me: I know you didn't mean to scare me, and no, I wasn't "driven away" as you put it. It's just that, to quote the fine songwriter Mr. Peter Cetera, "everybody needs a little time away... from each other." Absense makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Blog: There you go again, quoting song lyrics. Welcome back, old friend. I sure missed you. Don't be a stranger for so long now.

Me: I won't. Look, I gotta go back to work now. But I will talk to you soon; we have a lot of catching up to do.

Blog: Okay, bye-bye. I'll be here faithfully waiting to soak up all your amusing stories and life observations.

Me: Oh, that's sweet. Now I remember why I love you so much. I promise to do better and start giving you the attention you deserve. Good-bye Blog.

Blog: Bye-bye

SILENCE

Me: Well, are you going to hang up?

Blog: I was waiting for you to hang up first.

Me: You hang up first.

Blog: No, you hang up first

Me; What? Are we 13 year olds? Let's hang up at the same time.

Blog: Ok

Me: On the count of three, 1...2....3

Click...
Click...
Dial tone