Throwing Stones

With motherhood, I always knew there would be days like this. Days where your sweet little angel of a cherub will do something that shocks and disappoints you. You usually find out because a note from the the teacher informing you of the transgression that your innocent little baby has committed appears in the backpack.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. D
Stella with another boy in her class were throwing rocks at passing cars and intentionally trying to hit them. She knows that this behavior is completely unacceptable so could you please talk to her about it.
Signed,
Mrs. Almost Retired Teacher

I'm a firm believer that your kid is a reflection of your values and beliefs. You try to teach them the things that your family finds important and hopefully you model that behavior for them. Two of the things I value the most is kindness and understanding. I think so much more could be accomplished in this world if we had a little more of both of those things.

Alas!

Anyway, this is the primary reason I was upset by this occurrence. If I teach my kid anything I hope that is to be respectful of others. So, when I discovered what she had done, I approached it in this manner. First, I calmly asked my daughter what was going on in her mind when she picked up the rock and threw it towards a car. She couldn't quite answer that question. I then asked her what were the negative consequences that could have happened if she had hit a car. She answered that she could cause an accident, or damage property, or hurt someone. She got it! Nonetheless, she still engaged in this behavior. Has my sweet little girl turned into a monster?

So, then her father asked her who got the idea first to throw rocks-her or the other boy mentioned in the note home from the teacher? She's a smart one and she might have answered the question the way she thought we would want her to. She admited that it wasn't her idea, it was the boy's idea. WRONG ANSWER! Her Dad was not too pleased with that answer. The reason being is that if that indeed was true, then she followed the inappropriate actions of another person and did not think independently. (I didn't think I would be dealing with peer pressure this early.) So, we explained that sometimes kids will try to lead her down the wrong path and if she follows them when she knows it's wrong then she suffers the consequences. I guess her Dad would have been happier had it been her idea to throw the rocks. She would be a leader then! It was actually hard for her Dad to not chuckle about this, because he recalls a distant time when he used to do these sorts of things. You see it's payback, baby!

We wrapped up the discussion (ahem, lecture) by letting her know that she made a mistake and it was okay. People make mistakes. The important thing we wanted to stress was that when you make a mistake you admit it and you learn from it. And that we still loved her unconditionally.

After the initial shock of this event wore off, we discussed it again after school the next day. I wanted to really know how the events unfolded. She gave more information this time. I asked her who threw the rock first and this is how she explained it:

"Dustin and I were on the playground with rocks. We were trying to see if we could get the rocks to bounce when we threw them on the ground. Then a car drove by and I looked at Dustin and I think I knew what he was thinking. So first he threw a rock and then I did."

Fortunately there was no property damage nor bodily injury sustained from this incident. But it makes me worried on so many levels:
-My child may be a follower, and not a leader
-My child knew it was wrong to throw rocks at cars but still engaged in the behavior anyway
-My child thinks she can read the minds of her classmates just by looking at them