Keeping the Ruse Alive for Another Season Fa La La La La

Parents have traditionally continued the age old practice of, well, pretty much lying to their children. The Tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus-all big fat lies. It's not all bad though, as these mythical entities have been constructed for good and not at all for evil purposes. We want our children to have wonder, hope and faith in the good things in life-like money, candy and presents! Don't get me wrong, I'm no Scrooge. I totally understand why we have these creations in an otherwise dull and meaningful existence. Wait, I'm not an existentialist either. Bah Humbug!

As much as I cherish my childhood memories of Santa Claus with the leaving of the cookies and the fear that if I woke up at the crack of dawn Santa still might be here in the house filling the stockings with care. And as much as I enjoy my daugter's excitement about a big fat man in a red suit that shimmies his way down our chimney and leaves us these wonderful presents wrapped in paper that looks very similar to the paper that we keep in the closet, I have to admit that keeping up the Santa ruse gets more and more challenging with each passing year.

Now, my daughter is in 3rd grade, so wait, you may say incredulously-"She still believes in Santa Claus??" or you might be thinking "Hasn't some kid with a older brother already spilled the beans on the Santa conspiracy?" To which I would reply, "YES, she still believes" and "Yes, some kid has already told her that Santa doesn't exist." But she is my daughter after all, so she is not quite ready to believe that he's not real.

I remember Christmas 1979 when my sister, and me got cool 10- speed bikes for Christmas, the kind with the curled handlebars. My Mom foiled the Santa myth when Sears and Roebuck called the house and I answered the phone. Well I told her it was Sears, she exclaimed "Oh, it must be about the bikes, ooops!" Needless to say Santa was finally exposed for the fake that he was. Now if you do the math and figure I was born in the late 60s that I couldn't possibly have believed in Santa at the age of 11. The thing about that is that I knew logically and rationally that Santa is an impossibility. All those mall appearance, the tons of cookies and time consuming travel routes all added skeptism to the Santa belief. But I wasn't ready to give up that belief, not just yet. So, I'm assuming that is where my daughter is this year-teetering on the fence between belief and non-belief-which might just result in no presents.

But there are multiple issues regarding the Santa conspiracy this year which have needed to be addressed.

Issue 1: The Dog.

We didn't have our dog last Christmas so it was not an issue. But this year my daughter is very concerned about our dog's reaction to a fat man coming down the chimney.

Explanation: You know Santa only comes when you're sleeping, right? Well, it's the same for dogs. Santa will come to the house when the dog is sound asleep.

What I'm really thinking: I hope that when real burglars, or even the Grinch, break in the dog will actually know to bark. And baring her teeth would be nice too.

Issue 2: Christmas away from home.

We recently decided to go to my husband's family for Christmas this year. Which means flip flops and old people since we'll be down in South Florida. So now my daughter is worried about Santa bringing her presents to the right place.

Explanation: Santa knows where all kids are going to be on Christmas eve, so he will bring the presents to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

What I'm really thinking: How the hell and I'm going to lug a bunch of Christmas presents on a 12 hour drive without them being seen only to lug them all back home?

Issue 3: Unreasonable wish lists.

I want my daughter to have the things she wants, but I have to draw the line at certain requests. She fortunately has relented on her requests for a real pony. Thank god for the Simpson episode where Lisa gets a pony and Homer works all night shifts at the Qwikie Mart in order to feed and board the pony. Because I can usually break things down in a way that a 8 year can understand by referencing Simpsons episodes. (Sidenote: I know we're terrible parents because we let her watch a show that glorifies smart ass kids and dumb ass fathers-oh wait that was the cell phone commercial that did that)

But now my daughter wants the next best thing-a Fur Real Pony. Now the Fur Real toymakers have already tricked us in to buying the polar bear that makes noises and moves his arms and blinks its eyes. We also have the little kitty. (By the way, those toys have been collecting some dust.) But I'll be damned if I'm going to shell out $300 for a pony sized stuffed animal that takes batteries, makes unnecessary noise, and just stands there. For $300 that pony better trot, gallop, and canter. Fixing me a sandwich would be nice too.

But the problem remains in trying to explain the "no chance in hell of getting that present" in terms of Santa, because you know that Santa can bring you just about anything you ask for because he's magic like that. So I've tried several different tactics to address this problem

Tactic one: Because we're going to Grandma and Grandpa's house Santa knows that he can only give presents that are the size that can fit in our car since we are going to have to haul them back home.
Her response to this was not too favorable. She got quite upset about this and in fact I think I might have caused her not to want to go to Florida for Christmas. She also lamented about the big present(i.e. the bike) that she got last Christmas which I turned into a discussion about good things coming in small packages-usually.

Tactic Two: Because the first try didn't go over too well, I tried to explain that Santa has an allotted amount to spend on each kid so his toys are distributed fairly and equitably (who knew Santa was a communist). So if she really wanted a Fur Real pony she wouldn't get anything else because that would take up her allotment. That one seemed to work because she figured she would rather have more presents to open than just one big stuffed pony that moves-but only slightly.

That being said, I'm not off the hook with unreasonable requests because when I checked her Christmas list it had expensive sounding things on it-an I-Dog (don't really know what that is or what it does), Digi-makeover (which is a digital camera & computer software that allows you to manipulate pictures you've taken), Nintendo DS Lite-the pink one of course, the Fur-Real Chimp (how's that for compromise), and the Amazing Allison doll (not to be confused with the knock off Amazing Amanda).

Anyway, the Santa conspiracy will continue to rule parents' lives this time of year as they attempt to give their children some of that Christmas magic they grew up with. Who wouldn't want to believe in a jolly old bearded man who enslaves elves to work tirelessly in his toy factory and breaks into homes across the world only to deposit toys and goodies for all the good little girls and boys? Besides, the behavior modification capital that parents have at their disposal during the Christmas season is quite effective in getting children to behave. So I'm going to try to keep the ruse going for one more year, or for as long as my daughter lets me.