Set the Controls for the Heart of a Daughter

First I'll start by saying that I don't know why my post titles usually are knock-offs of some song title. I really shouldn't do that. I feel kind of guilty -and cheesy and unoriginal to some extent. I just can't seem to come up with clever titles all my own, so I resort to using a song title and changing the words to suit my post. Phew! Now that I have gotten that off my chest I can get to the "Heart of the Matter" (OMG, there I go again. At least that time I kept it in it's original form. And technically it's not a post title. You're welcome in advance Mr. Henly)

I never thought of myself as a controlling person. I am waaaaaay laid back and easy going and footloose and fancy free. I don't mind being aimless and unfocused. There's so much out there to experience, I can't settle on just one way. I don't need "to do" lists to help me accomplish stuff. If it gets done it gets done, if it doesn't oh well, there's always tomorrow. I feel right at home in clutter. That's why there is a stack of credit card offers, and old bills, and receipts on my kitchen counter right now. I have no intention whatsoever of applying for any of these cards. I have already paid the old bills, and you can't seriously think I would save receipts for IRS purposes.

However, I am a self-reflective person and I have recently come to realize that I can be controlling when it comes to my offspring.

This past week my daughter worked very hard on a St. Patrick's Day card for her friend who lives down the street from us. It was a beautiful work of art with patchwork colors and flowers and hearts and shamrocks and rainbows and words like "CUTE" and "PRETTY" splashed all around her masterpiece. Hallmark would be proud that my daughter wanted to start a trend with sending St. Patrick's Day cards. Well, imagine my daughter's horror when she remembered on Friday night at about 9:30 that she hadn't delivered her card yet. It was too late to play Mr. Postman, so I told her that she could deliver it on Saturday. I should know by now that the possibily of extreme dramatics runs high in my household. But I was still taken aback by the display of tears that resulted from the seriousness of this situation.

But honestly, I must confess. I had ulterior motives in delaying the delivery. Secretly, I didn't really want her to deliver the card.

Why, cruel hearted woman would you not want your daughter to deliver such a heart felt gift to a friend?

Well, because I feared how her act of kindness and thoughfulness would appear to others. That maybe she would come across as needy or crazy stalker or just plain silly. And that is when it occurred to me. I need to see this not through an adult's eyes, but rather through the innocent eyes of a 7 year old child.

And then like an epiphany I realized that when I try to guide (insert- control) my daughter's homework, creative writing, class speech, clothing etc. I am doing it NOT because I'm a controlling person. My behavior, thank goodness, is not motivated by the desire to control her. But rather it comes from a much better place. A place where Mama Lion would rip to shred anyone who would dare harm her cub. It is simply out of protection that I do this. Protection from the world's insensitivities and injustices. Protection from the laughter and the teasing.

And with that I also realized that I cannot protect her from that forever. Which is actually kind of bittersweet. It breaks my heart that she will be laughed at, called names, excluded from friendships, rejected by future boyfriends, and that she will have to endure other unpleasant experiences that are inevitably part of growing up. My only hope is that I have given her the tools and the resiliency to overcome whatever is thrown her way. So, my heart will not only ache, but it will also swell at times.

Mama promises to support you wholeheartedly in all that do from now on. As long as you're not planning on wearing that pink tutu, Tinkerbell flip flops, and sequined sun visor to your Prom.