The Return of the Refrigerator Baron

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! (sound of clanking bell in Town Cryer fashion)

Ladies and Gentlemen, please listen carefully. I'm about to reveal the story of the Refrigerator Baron and his unruly hold over the people of this fair land known as Non-profit Agency.

This Baron has decreed that no food items shall remain nestled in the safe, cool confines of his refrigerator for any longer than one week. For risk of spoilage, overcrowdedness, and unhealthy sanitation the Baron has determined that on Friday nigh any morsel, lunch bag, stryofoam container, or other assorted food storage vessels will be purged from the clutches of the refrigerator. He has employed minions from every department who shall carry out his edict with such force and certainty assuring that his law of the land will be followed to the letter on a rotating basis.

Of course dear people, the Baron is not an unreasonable and vindictive ruler. Quite the contrary. As always the philosophies of the land must be remembered, and one such philosophy-Rule are not Roadblocks-must have been heavy on the Baron's mind when he developed the Law of the Refrigerator Purge. Thus, there are two exceptions to this law. The first is that condiments shall remain exempt from the purge. Rest assured that your mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup and horseradish shall remain completely safe from the ruthless purgers in the Baron's employ. The second exception is that items clearly labeled with a name and date shall avoid certain death and extinction -unless of course the Baron's trusted assistants choose to ignore that exception (foreshadowing).

I shall now share the plight of one such citizen of the Baron's land so that all shall learn from her mistakes. Lady D was well aware of the Baron's rule of the land,and not being too rebellious, she felt willing and able to adhere to it. However, several months ago she became complacent and erroneously assumed that the Baron's minions would exercise logic and self-restraint when administering the Law of the Refrigerator Purge. She had stored a frozen pizza, boxed and bagged, in the Freezer portion and believed that her sustenance shall remain safe and sound from the Friday purge. However, she was quite incorrect in that assumption after finding her boxed and bagged frozen pizza carelessly tossed into the void known as The Garbage Can. Fortunately, this young lady was able to salvage her foodstuff with very little negative consequence as her Digornio Thin and Crispy Pizza was well protected from the coffee grinds, slimy wrappers, and empty Lean Cuisine boxes that accompanied it within the area of waste disposal.

Lady D received a lesson that day that consequently shattered what little faith and confidence in human logic and reasoning she had held. For she believed that the purpose of the Law of the Refrigerator Purge was well-intentioned. And although, she also believed in automomy and personal responsibility, she was able to accept that other land dwellers could contribute to cleanliness and order by becoming involved in executing the law. She herself had participated in Friday purges and exercised sound judgment by refraining to dispose of items that were boxed and sealed. For, dear people, she understood that the purpose of the law was not to have license to toss with vengance anything and everything that was not a condiment or was not labeled. Instead, she understood the purpose of the law was to prevent the smell and unpleasantness of long forgotten pork fried rice and bean burritos that had been known to accumulate in the refrigerator. Therefore, a boxed and frozen pizza would not be subject to such a risk and would remain safely tucked into the frosty recesses of the Freezer, and thus avoid the Garbage abyss.

After some time this lady, whose story I have told, decided to brave the Refrigerator Baron's wrath once more. She had purchased some prime and pricey pico de gallo and pepper jack cheese last Friday afternoon and needed a cool place to store her wares until they could be moved to her home refrigerator later that evening. Having learned her lesson from months before she labeled her grocery bag with this message: THIS BELONGS TO LADY D-PLEASE DO NOT TOSS!

Lo! and behold! Operation Refrigerator Purge was launched once again on Friday afternoon. The lady, believing her items to be safe and well-protected, was shocked and dismayed to find that her grocery bag and $19.24 worth of perishable items had been recklessly tossed into The Garbage Can as punishment for taking up precious space in a vritually empty Refrigerator. This turn of events most certainly leads one to question the consistency and fairness surrounding the enforcement of this law. Furthermore, it perhaps suggests that some receive passive-agressive fueled satisfaction from the implementation of the law, instead of humble pride for a fulfilling a job that will surely contribute to the good of the land.

So fellow countrymen, the moral of this tale of food and woe is that one cannot trust that the enforcement of the rule of law will be upheld with fairness and good judgment in Non Profit Agency Land. You see, there are many who cannot see gray through the black and white of their vision. They can only function in the literal perspective. And although they can follow clear and explicit instructions perfectly and precisely, the risk is that their literal worldview may cause them to make decisions solely for the sake of carrying out an instruction -instead of understanding the rationale behind the instruction and making necessary modifications as logic and sound reasoning warrant. Likewise, let it be understood that even when individuals take the necesssary precautions to follow the law, they still sometimes get tossed out with the trash.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!