Graduations

It's that time of year when students celebrate their accomplishments and get prepared to move into the next phase of their lives. Typically when we think of graduation we think of graduating from high school or college, although these days you can have graduation ceremonies for pre-school, kindergarten, elementary, and middle school. Obviously, the transition from one phase to the next can be exciting as new possibilities abound. But it also is a time for fear and trepidation, as you move from the comfort of what you've become accustomed to towards a changing and uncertain future.

And while we think of graduation as limited to scholastic achievement, there are actually mini graduations that occur everyday in parenthood.

When my daughter was first born I never could have fathomed that I would be able to handle ever letting her out of my sight. When a baby, who is so helpless and dependent, enters your life you are forced to take on the primary responsibility of caring and teaching your baby. You want to be certain that job is being performed to the highest quality. However, that transition is almost like a barbaric swimming lesson where they toss you in and you either sink or swim. Parenthood can feel an awful lot like drowing in those first couple months. But, you eventually find your stride and slowly begin the gradual process of letting go. I had to go back to work 6 weeks after the birth of my daughter out of economic necessity. Fortunately, my husband's job offered flexibility and we were able to stagger our schedules so we didn't have to put her in child care. I certainly could never have thought I would be comfortable leaving my baby with anyone other than my family-at first. But slowly, you begin to gain that ability as your baby moves through certain stages-or graduations.

They go off to kindergarten, and most of the time the parent cries more than the kid. They go on play dates with friends as they get older that no longer require your supervison and chaperoning. They move up each year to another class and with each passing year as a parent you feel a little bit better about letting them go. They start going on dates and they start driving. Something changes interally that enables you as a parent to come to accept these changes. To have the courage and strength to let them go. And you, of course, are never going to stop worrying. That's why my Dad would wait up for us every time we went out as teenagers, even though he pretended that he wasn't. That's why my Mom still tells me to this day to be careful when I'm leaving for a trip. You certainly are always going to remain connected to your children in some way. Your job as a parent doesn't end, it just changes; it graduates.

The other day my daughter and me were outside playing with the dog. The curious beast found a big spider scurrying on our driveway. When she poked her nose into the spider, hundreds of small baby spiders scattered over the drive and the momma spider hightailed it into the grass. My daughter and I watched as the hundreds of tiny baby spiders flittered around, most likely trying to find the safety and security of their mom. It really made me think of how delicately all our lives hang in the balance. We hold onto our children and would protect them with our lives, but sometimes we cannot keep them from scattering helplessly just like those baby spiders.

Each day I find it harder to recognize the girl that was once my baby daughter. She has a boy writing her in school books that he loves her eyes and the way she makes him laugh and that she is his first true love. I see her play with her little friends and there are hints of "teenager-ness" in their behaviors. She wears a bra-not out of necessity mind you. She has discovered Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff (although that part makes me cringe). So all these things prepare me, because I know that one day I'm going to have to really let her go to live her life on her own. And if I did my job as a parent, hopefully she will be ready for that.

I'm just glad that I don't have to do that, now. I'm still the one she calls on when she wakes up in the middle of the night with a stomachache so I can rub her tummy and help her fall back asleep. She still needs hugs and kisses and calls me mommy. But one day hugs and kisses from "mom" will be embarrassing. And when she gets sick she may have to take care of herself when she grown and possibly has children of her own. But as my daughter graduates from one stage of life to another, I will be there for her in any way I can. And although I have started the gradual process of letting go, I will still always hold onto a small part of her. As I continue the process of letting go, I sure hope she can still always find her way back to me. I sure hope that those baby spiders can do the same-because then we all might stand a chance.