Pet Adoption Stories, Little White Lies, and Stand in Daughters
The voice mail message immediately piqued my interest:
"Hey, this is El. Just calling to see how you were doing. I have a very funny story to tell you. I also may have to borrow you daughter, which is actually related to this funny story. So call me when you get a chance."
If you want someone to call you back immediately, then I suggest using this type of message-leaving tactic. First, I have the promise of a funny story. Second, I just have to know why you need to "borrow" my daughter and how it all relates to the aforementioned funny story.
So I call El back and she proceeds to set the stage for this funny story.
Evidently, El and her family are ready to adopt a cat. El has had cats before and let it be known that I have absolutely no doubts in her cat caretaking abilities. They hadn't been able to have cats, since their crazy & elderly cat lady neighbor owned a whole bunch of feral cats that kept reproducing. Yeah, cat ladies do exist, they are not just a stereotype. Being responsible and humane people, El and her husband just didn't want to subject their prospective cat with the possibility of cavorting with the feral cat neighbors. Sadly, the elderly cat lady neighbor passed away a couple of months and her feral cats were cleared out. So, it was now the purrfect time for El and her family to adopt their very own cat.
El has already visited the Animal Protection Society (APS), the county agency that is responsible for pet adoptions for stray and unclaimed animals, once before. And the APS being the cautious and responsible agency that it is does not adopt animals without proper screening. The screening process involves a series of questions that interested pet adopters must answer. Evidently, there are "right" answers and "wrong" answers. If you answer incorrectly you are sent away with no pet, and no parting gifts either for that matter. El learned from her last attempt to adopt a cat, that the APS does not adopt cats to families with children under the age of 5. El has a little boy who just turned 5 and a daughter who is 2 1/2. You see the dilemma, don't you?
Anyway, you know the old addage that one lie leads to another? Well, the rest of the story will demonstrate how one lie will inevitably snowball into another, and so on and so forth, until you're left with one doozy of a lie.
So El, thinking that she is going to beat the APS at their own game, decides to tell a little white lie on her application. Afterall, are they really going to verify the information provided to be accurate and true? Anyways, she finds the most perfect cat. She loves this cat and she wants this cat. The cat loves her and she spends about 20 minutes bonding with this, the most perfect cat. So, what else is a person supposed to do? Sure, she could do the honest thing and flunk the screening- again. Or, there may be other alternatives. El, against her better judgement, mind you, decides she will fib-just a little-by providing on the application a phony age for her daughter. She puts down that her son is 5 (the truth) and stretches the truth (just a bit) by indicating that her daughter is 7.
So, El is thinking all is well and good. Maybe she's feeling a little guilty, but hey, she just wants to give this cat a good home. She pays the $50 deposit and the cat is set aside for her family. She should pass the screening with flying colors and be allowed to take the cat to her loving home. But, wait, no, there's more to this screening process.
The APS has to actually meet the kids before the adoption can take place! Have you ever heard such a thing? Foster parents of real live kids go through less of a screening. (Well, hopefully not but you get the point) So, now El is panicking. How is she going to produce a 7 year old daughter to the APS, so she can just take the poor cat to a good home?
She then proceeds to tell the APS worker that the daughter is actually her husband's daughter and lives elsewhere. More lies. They ask her if she ever visits. And El tells them- yes, she does, but she just came for Christmas so it was doubtful that she would be visiting soon. Even more lies. You see how one lie leads to another, huh? Well, the APS worker has to clear this with her supervisor before they will release the cat to her because they really are supposed to meet the kids. I guess to ensure that the kid won't set the cat on fire or something, or to verify that you haven't just told a bold faced lie. Because what kind of pet owner would you be if you're willing to defraud the APS? Actually, it might have been better to just lie that she didn't even have kids. Would they follow up with a home visit? This did occur to El, but she was more horrified about lying that her children didn't exist as opposed to lying about one of their ages.
Anyway, this is where my daughter comes in. She IS a 7 year old. And rather dramatic and good at playing a role I might add. So,El asks me if I would mind having my daughter stand in for her daughter if the APS supervisor deems it necessary so she can simply adopt this cat. She, of course, puts no pressure on me and tells me she understood if I had an ethical opposition to, well, lying. She suggests that I talk it over with my husband. She also says that if I was a believer in karma, then I probably shouldn't agree to it. Now, I do hope that karma exists, because there are times that certain people just deserve to get it dished right back to them. But, I also know that technically it is not right to lie.
That being said, doesn't everyone lie at one time or another? The way I look at it is this way- what is the intention of the lie? If it's to avoid getting your ass in trouble, or to incriminate an innocent person, to defraud for financial gain, or if the lie furthers someone's sinister agenda, then I'm all against lying. However, there are times when you just have to do it. To spare feelings, to get out of unpleasant situations, or to help someone adopt a pet that is most likely going to euthanized if a new home is not found.
The hardest part of this caper, is how to explain it all to our children. We naturally want to teach our kids that it's wrong to lie. So how can we expect them to pretend to be brother and sister without sending them the wrong message? Does the end justify the means in this instance? Will my daughter become a pathological liar? Or can this be seen as grooming for a future career in theater? I'm sure that if I tell my daughter that it's like being in a play, she will be fine with it and it will make perfect sense. Afterall, aren't actors just a big bunch of liars, pretending to be things they really are not?
Basically, this is how I plan to morally resolve my friend's request.
"Hey, this is El. Just calling to see how you were doing. I have a very funny story to tell you. I also may have to borrow you daughter, which is actually related to this funny story. So call me when you get a chance."
If you want someone to call you back immediately, then I suggest using this type of message-leaving tactic. First, I have the promise of a funny story. Second, I just have to know why you need to "borrow" my daughter and how it all relates to the aforementioned funny story.
So I call El back and she proceeds to set the stage for this funny story.
Evidently, El and her family are ready to adopt a cat. El has had cats before and let it be known that I have absolutely no doubts in her cat caretaking abilities. They hadn't been able to have cats, since their crazy & elderly cat lady neighbor owned a whole bunch of feral cats that kept reproducing. Yeah, cat ladies do exist, they are not just a stereotype. Being responsible and humane people, El and her husband just didn't want to subject their prospective cat with the possibility of cavorting with the feral cat neighbors. Sadly, the elderly cat lady neighbor passed away a couple of months and her feral cats were cleared out. So, it was now the purrfect time for El and her family to adopt their very own cat.
El has already visited the Animal Protection Society (APS), the county agency that is responsible for pet adoptions for stray and unclaimed animals, once before. And the APS being the cautious and responsible agency that it is does not adopt animals without proper screening. The screening process involves a series of questions that interested pet adopters must answer. Evidently, there are "right" answers and "wrong" answers. If you answer incorrectly you are sent away with no pet, and no parting gifts either for that matter. El learned from her last attempt to adopt a cat, that the APS does not adopt cats to families with children under the age of 5. El has a little boy who just turned 5 and a daughter who is 2 1/2. You see the dilemma, don't you?
Anyway, you know the old addage that one lie leads to another? Well, the rest of the story will demonstrate how one lie will inevitably snowball into another, and so on and so forth, until you're left with one doozy of a lie.
So El, thinking that she is going to beat the APS at their own game, decides to tell a little white lie on her application. Afterall, are they really going to verify the information provided to be accurate and true? Anyways, she finds the most perfect cat. She loves this cat and she wants this cat. The cat loves her and she spends about 20 minutes bonding with this, the most perfect cat. So, what else is a person supposed to do? Sure, she could do the honest thing and flunk the screening- again. Or, there may be other alternatives. El, against her better judgement, mind you, decides she will fib-just a little-by providing on the application a phony age for her daughter. She puts down that her son is 5 (the truth) and stretches the truth (just a bit) by indicating that her daughter is 7.
So, El is thinking all is well and good. Maybe she's feeling a little guilty, but hey, she just wants to give this cat a good home. She pays the $50 deposit and the cat is set aside for her family. She should pass the screening with flying colors and be allowed to take the cat to her loving home. But, wait, no, there's more to this screening process.
The APS has to actually meet the kids before the adoption can take place! Have you ever heard such a thing? Foster parents of real live kids go through less of a screening. (Well, hopefully not but you get the point) So, now El is panicking. How is she going to produce a 7 year old daughter to the APS, so she can just take the poor cat to a good home?
She then proceeds to tell the APS worker that the daughter is actually her husband's daughter and lives elsewhere. More lies. They ask her if she ever visits. And El tells them- yes, she does, but she just came for Christmas so it was doubtful that she would be visiting soon. Even more lies. You see how one lie leads to another, huh? Well, the APS worker has to clear this with her supervisor before they will release the cat to her because they really are supposed to meet the kids. I guess to ensure that the kid won't set the cat on fire or something, or to verify that you haven't just told a bold faced lie. Because what kind of pet owner would you be if you're willing to defraud the APS? Actually, it might have been better to just lie that she didn't even have kids. Would they follow up with a home visit? This did occur to El, but she was more horrified about lying that her children didn't exist as opposed to lying about one of their ages.
Anyway, this is where my daughter comes in. She IS a 7 year old. And rather dramatic and good at playing a role I might add. So,El asks me if I would mind having my daughter stand in for her daughter if the APS supervisor deems it necessary so she can simply adopt this cat. She, of course, puts no pressure on me and tells me she understood if I had an ethical opposition to, well, lying. She suggests that I talk it over with my husband. She also says that if I was a believer in karma, then I probably shouldn't agree to it. Now, I do hope that karma exists, because there are times that certain people just deserve to get it dished right back to them. But, I also know that technically it is not right to lie.
That being said, doesn't everyone lie at one time or another? The way I look at it is this way- what is the intention of the lie? If it's to avoid getting your ass in trouble, or to incriminate an innocent person, to defraud for financial gain, or if the lie furthers someone's sinister agenda, then I'm all against lying. However, there are times when you just have to do it. To spare feelings, to get out of unpleasant situations, or to help someone adopt a pet that is most likely going to euthanized if a new home is not found.
The hardest part of this caper, is how to explain it all to our children. We naturally want to teach our kids that it's wrong to lie. So how can we expect them to pretend to be brother and sister without sending them the wrong message? Does the end justify the means in this instance? Will my daughter become a pathological liar? Or can this be seen as grooming for a future career in theater? I'm sure that if I tell my daughter that it's like being in a play, she will be fine with it and it will make perfect sense. Afterall, aren't actors just a big bunch of liars, pretending to be things they really are not?
Basically, this is how I plan to morally resolve my friend's request.
posted by amyd | 3:05 PM
2 Comments:
That is annoying. I remember when I adopted Sophie I had to swear that I would never leave the state of Florida with her, they promised the would do check up visits on her and they actually never did....and they never came after me when I left Florida.
I think this "lie" is totally justified - for the sake of the kitty. I'd love to see the "skit".
Thanks for the feedback as I wrestle with this moral choice. My friend hasn't yet heard back from the APS yet, and is considering alternatives- possibly adopting from another source.
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