It Take a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Breakdown to Cry

I'm probably the world's biggest crybaby. I really can't remember when this emotional control problem began but I can trace one instance to the third grade. I had accidentally spilled my entire Trapper Keeper all over the floor which was embarrassing enough. But then Mrs. McCall, my teacher, fussed me out about it which really set me off. I ended up sobbing uncontrollably, you know the kind of cry where you can't even catch your breath. So as if spilling my notebook wasn't embarrassing enough, crying like that was even more so.

I have always been very sensitive, but I end up crying in many other kinds of situations. I cry of course when I'm sad, but also when I'm mad, frustrated, overwhelmed, and even when I'm happy. In fact, my crying problem has gotten worse after having a child. So now I cry at preschool graduations, school plays and functions, and just talking about the cute (and not so cute) things my kid does. I cry during Little House on the Praire epidsodes and that stupid credit card commercial with the 100 Years song by Five for Fighting. What is my problem?

The part that I hate the most though is when I cry when I am mad. I can't tell you how many times when I have wanted so badly to keep my composure and stand up for myself, but the tears always get in the way. It's pretty hard for someone to take you seriously or respect you when you're crying like a big fat baby. I have tried the deep breathing and relaxation techniques but to no avail. I'm doomed to have the water works turned on anytime I experience any intense emotion.

In my previous post I talked about the car breakdown and how my outlook for once had not been as bleak, and therefore I didn't feel the need to cry. Usually when faced with this kind of life stress I would have been a big ball of tears. But that time I was able to talk myself off the "crying" ledge, so to speak and felt carefree and fancy free. However, one should never laugh in the face of fate (or whatever it is) because it just might come back to kick you in the ass. My car problems have continued with the same exact thing over the past two weeks. I had another $300 worth of work, not to mention the $135 tow, fixing my ignition switch which I was told the first time was not faulty, that my problem was just a blown fuse. So after getting that replaced, it happened again. So it's back at the dealership and they're still trying to figure out what's wrong. This time is was another blown fuse, so obviously something is causing the fuse to blow. They just have to figure it out. It's frustrating nonetheless, so I had to have a good cry -finally.

So, is there a lesson in all of this? Maybe we shouldn't deny who we are. Maybe I should embrace the fact that I'm quick to cry. I oftentimes feel much better after a good sobbing-red, puffy eyes and all. So why fight it? I'm not asking for pity, I only need a release. So someone please hand me some kleenex.....I feel a cry coming on.

*footnote: my apologies to Mr. Bob Dylan for the reckless "borrowing & amending" of his song titles on my last two posts. I give credit where credit is due.